The chronicles of one man, John Noggle, and his long, strange journey through the underground.
Read the origin story here
A Pot of Boiling Water
American entertainer Cardi B is suffering from vertigo, also known as dizziness; a symptom of inner-ear problems. The condition began after Miss B exited a teacup n California; part of an early winter carnival.
It was a whirling week for the Bronx rapper; beginning on Tuesday evening, when she published a social media update. In the video, Miss B expressed how she and her husband, Offset — a member of the rap group, Migos — would be separating. While a cause for the break-up was not immediately clear, Miss B explained; noting that she and Offset had “grown out of love.” However, Miss B did not mention what effect, if any, centrifugal force had on the relationship.
Centrifugal force occurs when objects travel in a circular motion — such as on a spinning teacup. Due to the high speeds, bodies move outward from the center. Additionally, as a result of going around-and-around, carnival patrons will often-times stumble once the oversized porcelain vessels — typically reserved for steeping herbal blends in hot water — stop moving.
Alternate theories have also arisen; many involving lewd details. The most scandalous hypothesis accuses Offset, 26, of being involved with multiple mistresses. Most incriminating to the rapper’s reputation, though, were leaked text messages. In a thread that is dated June 28, several weeks before Miss B gave birth to Kulture — the couple’s firstborn — Offset was, allegedly, trying to coordinate a bedroom tea-party with Summer Bunni and Cuban Doll.
Mad Tea Party is, perhaps, the most recognizable spinning teacup ride. Inaugurated on July 17, 1955, Mad Tea Party operates at the Disneyland Park in Anaheim, California. The ride was inspired by a scene in the 1951 film, Alice in Wonderland — in turn, based on a novel of the same name, written by Lewis Carroll.
The accusation was not a surprise to many observers. Offset, the only Migos member without a solo album, was previously suspected of infidelity. On ”Be Careful,” her March 2018 single, Miss B went addressed the rumors; rapping that the Offset wanted to, “Creep and shit.”
But, by Friday, the Bronx entertainer’s fortunes turned around — not unlike a spinning teacup. Miss B, who still faces assault and reckless endangerment charges, was released without bail despite not appearing before a judge five days earlier. By the time she left Queens criminal court, Miss B received even more good news: the list of nominees for the 61st Grammy Awards were announced. For her part, Miss B received five honorable mentions; including Album of the Year, Song of the Year, and Best Rap Album.
Then, the frenetic week was no more. Miss B, though, continued to thrive. The Bronx rapper performed at Jingle Ball, an annual holiday-themed concert — first held in 1995, — while on a West-Coast trip; during which Miss B sat inside of an oversized tea-cup that caused her vertigo. Meanwhile, Offset has proven less fortunate. After Miss B’s content was published, the Atlanta rapper — a recipient of zero Grammy nomination this year — left a comment reading, “Y’all won.” As if to further accent an apparent downward spiral, Offset announced his longing for Miss B social media on Sunday.
How the story will end, no one can know. But, in the meantime, how about some songs that sound good, whether you’re in love or out-of-love?
The Soup Stone
- Dham Lee lands the shuttle almost as smoothly as it takes off. Never mind that “the summer i died” doesn’t really lift-off until the first sixteen are through, but rather once the bass thrusters kick. And reuben, explosives aside, has a keen eye for tech-y details, too
- “The Endless Dark” is all about the constasts. If espeon is a voice on your left shoulder, then Lil Kuudere provides a counter balance on the right. Either way, there’s also Brusho to keep a neutral bance. y axis, especially the flute melody, blows a soft breeze right into your ear; the final element.
- ASTRAL TRAP (a.k.a. DariBroko) might as well be astral projecting — what with the walking on top of mountains and capturing planes and all. Then again, EOG is talking to aliens. As much as the snare tries, though, it can’t seem to break through; leaving the pair trapped in the “TRAPPEDINTHEMATRIX”
- loko los wants to burrow inside of your head. “It might not be so so,” you think — but that’s exactly when the snares start drill away. plus, sh0p7ift, lih Bruja, and lih Whoadie so resistance is futile. Just look into the “%# beam #%“ and it’ll all be ok.
- In the summer, when it gets really hot, especially in the desert, the road might look like it’s melting. But rest assured, the asphalt is still solid — it’s all been a mirage. Mahoney has illusions to face all his own, too; and on “problems come up when i come down,” the Philadelphia-based artist wills the demons away with a voice far more authentic than an optical illusion.
- Why should criminals have all the fun? It might not have been the government’s intentions, but — for a while — the Reagan’s National Security Council beat the cartels at their own game. Now, Drug Dillon, with help from DRAE DA SKIMASK and his xylophone on plan to reclaim ownership of “Iran Contra” Really, though, why should the government have all of the fun?
- The snow is a look. Come December without much effort, nature dresses in white, which makes winter official. Then, someone — let’s say Honk! — decides to be cute; putting LEDs inside of stalactites, or a piano harmony under the synth run; the colors are vibrant either way. ace uzumakii rolls through in a black Audi coupe and completes “Knots X Glocks!” with a few rhymes.
- You know the feeling: vibrations moving up a thigh, even if there isn’t a phone in sight. Malachai can relate; though, his phantoms, to be fair, are much more “Blood Thirsty” than a few muscle spasms. Meanwhile, Ginseng sweats over a hot cauldron — where the xylophone harmony dances with the synth melody — as he tries to find a cure; or, at least soften the symptoms — not unlike the muted, off-beat snare.
- Meteorites aren’t meek. When a space rock breaches the atmosphere, people notice. A few years ago, in Russia, when a meteor burned up across the sky, folks paid attention. A deep-space rock star in his right, CoolaidHippy commands meteor-like attention on, “BLACK SASUKE.” Even if’s SUPERIORR RVPSO’s drags on for an extra sixteen, the snare more than compensates.
- Kordelle isn’t a rocket scientist. The Canadian artist doesn’t work for NASA, or whatever the maple-flavored equivalent might be. Fortunately, to under seven minutes — or seconds — or terror doesn’t require knowledge of a jet propulsion lab; working with cashcache, who boldly weaves the high-pitch keyboard melody with the space-age synth on, “idk.” The soft percussion — snaps on half-notes with gentle snare taps on thirds — is a mindful touch, too.
- On “atriums,” DøøFus poses next to the Mona Lisa. The line’s neat; implying it’s hard separate the art ends from the spectator starts. Grimm Doza raises a artful brow himself. The Garden State produces pulls a strong Mingus impression from his bag of tricks — the double bass sample bass pulling double-duty on the rhythm & melody. With any luck it’s the first of many GrimmDofus collabs in the workshop.
- The sun is a rarity in December. Until spring comes around, grey skies grey overhead. EDU4RDO can’t control the weather; though, with honk and senritsu, a UV rays shine through on “im good luv, enjoy” — a pick your own harmony adventure
- Jaco has been through war; claiming to have gained treasure and diamonds in the process. Where the precious stones are being held is another question entirely. Untrained ears can hear the conflict: one hand, the right, as it moves along the piano keys, controls the melody on “Up Up & Away.” But the left is just as important; dictating the groove precisely, in the manner of a field general.
- When ice is on the road, and winter tires aren’t in the budget, braking is more than a challenge: it’s a quest for survival. Fortunately, there is “1212” to calm the nerves of any anxious driver. hughe$ and Joony gain traction over zenogold’s slippery guitar melody — drenched in effects and all.
- A sinkhole appears in the middle of the street. Facing a cavernous crater, people don’t know what to do and resort to screaming, “HELPME (Burn The Witch)” Then, from the dark depths, a hand reaches out — it belongs Ta.b00, who has isn’t concerned with interlocking fingers. The New York artist would rather observe the chaos; especially on the back-half of the sixteen beat loop, when the tempo ever, so slightly changes; taking attention away from the exquisite snare sample, if but for a moment.
- “Give me two hours of activity a day,” Luis Buñuel said, “And I’ll take the other 22 in dreams.” While neither Spanish nor a film director kel! (a.k.a. grandekel) tries meeting the Buñuel standard. Along with JAEMDEE, the pair hits ‘Snooze’ on “pretty girls;” giving listeners as much of a chance to rest as to dream. Don’t fall asleep, though, or you risk missing out on the string harmony 32-beats in.
- “when it rainz it pourz” plays like a book, and a hard-cover one at that. trip dixon, on the surface — calm, cool, and with just enough separation to give life a sober analysis, — plays a teacher at the lectern. But then the mark bruce beat kicks-in; peeling away the dust jacket with a keyboard on it to reveal all sort of harmonies.
- Spirits are abound tonight. Ghosts, on the periphery, appear at every corner but manager to evaporate at “full speed”. Oddly, lil ds & chine try talking to the ethereal beings; even more bizarre, though, is how the two artists get a response. Leesta, an amateur spiritualist in his own right, lays down produced invites visitors from the great beyond with a piano melody in the hook that’s harmonized by an otherworldly keyboard.
- Superman could control the flow-of-time. In order to pause his watch, Clark Kent had to fly into space, then change the Earth’s orbit — an impressive, albeit labor-intensive, feat. bbygoyard, or futuristic Shannon — sometimes Pilt Chamberlain, too, — has an alternative. The Nashville artist finesses through the fourth-dimension with help from a nearly modal cashcache beat; switching keys slightly every eight beats, the xylophones and vocals can travel at will.
Mixtape Round-up: an ALTRnate enDing is a long time coming and ALTRD State doesn’t look to dissapoint; coming through with production from bighead and ghostmane… the end endohbeats … 6GLOCKS is sneaky good at putting out mixtapes to munch on, and COPACABANA he does just that with KHROAM … KEYBOARDKID’s appearances are sufficiently rare that a his co-sign carries some weight to it; blessing Based Memory with CATXSCAN this time around …211HIPROXKHIPSTAR is showcase for some of the DMV’s finest: Joony, Almighty Mansa, Molly Dre; and there’s a cut from soorma too … can’t say I’ve give BackxWash’s BLACK SAILOR MOON a pin yet, but there’s production from The Buttress which can only mean good things… JUST KNOW is a fun little sampling from BlackMayo, with production from basedtj and 6silky just because … twenty is the new full-length from lil ds and it is very good
Some leftover both
“I should give up the love-game,” is a thought that popped into my head this year, “And, instead, become a professional gambler.”
At face value, the activities — dating and high-stakes wagers, — have little in common. But beneath the surface, relationships and parlor games operate under the same basic premise; and I
believe know this to be true. So what distinguishes romantic pursuits from, say, the jackpot at a nearby casino is the currency first and, second, the speed at which the house pays-out any winnings.
Allow me to explain.
To develop love takes time, effort, and a boundless ability to accept blame (whether or not it’s been rightly placed). No one, by simply waking-up, finds themselves in a, “relationship goal.” First, a series of investments are needed: in personal appearance, in diverse conversational knowledge, and — perhaps most importantly — in developing an inner voice (because sometimes the best spoken words cannot be heard at all). Relationship statuses change, though; it’s only a matter of time. The charitable person willing to go on a date with you might eventually bring up, “exclusivity.” Then, the natural course of events will follow.
If the partnership was meant to last, and a justice of the peace is invited, then the institution of marriage can be pursued; and, hopefully — as is the case with 40 to 50 percent of U.S. households, — the matrimony doesn’t end in divorce (much appreciation to the American Psychological Association for the figure). Congratulations! But bright and shiny as it seems, the ring is not the payoff for becoming a common couple in the eyes of the law; the partnership with another person — that comfort in sharing life’s experiences with another person — is what makes the process worthwhile (even if it can take anywhere from several days to weeks, or even years to find out).
Now, let’s talk a little about gambling.
There’s a casino 11 miles from my apartment. If I set this gaming parlor as the destination in my phone, then immediately turn-on the car, the trip would take 15 to 20 minutes; a sixth of an hour’s before placing my initial bet. Once at the casino, I would have an array of games to select from: blackjack, poker, or slot machines — you know, if the cards happen no to agree with me one night.
For the sake of convenience, let’s stick to roulette: a game of chance. The board — a large, spinning wheel – has 38 possible destinations for a little white ball in search of a home. Side bets are possible, too. For example, half of the outcomes are red, while the other 18 are black; and that’s without mentioning prop bets — even or odd numbers can be selected, or perhaps a block of options, as well as two green slots for 0 and 00.
Now, here I am in the pit: a short, sweaty man with a fistful of dollars to invest. I notice, through my foggy glasses, a roulette table nearby and decide to investigate. The scent of vodka coming from some midwestern retirees in search of some thrills is strong, but my desire for gratification is stronger. Out of the right pocket, my clammy hand pulls out a $20 bill. I then place half the money on ‘Red;’ the remaining 10 go toward ‘Even.’ The croupier rakes in the money tree’s leaves, then gives the wheel a spin. The ball lands on a ‘Black’ tile which is, furthermore, labeled with the number ‘33.’
Just my luck, right? As a degenerate, I’m inclined, to say, “Yes, give me all of the blame.” I could have picked a different set of options, after all. Nothing was stopping me from sitting at the craps table; or hell, even playing a round of keno.
But here’s the catch: in relationships, as in gambling, the outcome is never guaranteed. I could win the jackpot on any given night. Likewise, any romantic interest — even so much as a crush — might cause unbearable heartbreak in the end; there’s no way of knowing.
Alas, dating and gambling both possess a je ne sais quoi; and it’s strong enough to make any lovesick sap fall for it. Continuity, remember, is absent from both the love and parlor games. At the end of each round, regardless of the previous outcome, all of the odds reset — without fail. In the end, it’s a matter of how soon you want to experience a full range of emotion: in the short or long-term?
For anyone who chooses the quicker pay-out, I have a song for you. “Alone” is the first track off Recurrences; the new album by Serbian electronica musician, Jan Nemeček. Granted, fans of the drone-aficionado have an advantage at this point in Nemeček’s career. Let me, then, provide a tip: if the project has a song that includes the word, “Organs,” in any fashion, it is likely to be the highlight (and for three good reasons, too). But rather than suggest you skip through the mini-album, I’ll emphasize all-four songs are worth spinning.